The scholarly reviews of sex and eroticism in mesopotamian literaturetrick-or-treaters of 2016 grew up on Sawand Paranormal Activity, so if you're decorating your house to scare them this year, you'll have to bring the heat.

Take cobwebs, for example. Cobwebs aren't spooky anymore. You know what's spooky? Apple forcing us all to use a little converter thing just so our headphones work. See if you can do something with that.

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SEE ALSO: 8 truly easy D.I.Y. Halloween costumes for lazy people

Because we care about moving culture forward and are big fans of general spookiness, we thought up a handful of truly terrifying Halloween yard decorations.

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BONUS: Hamster Potter. You know, Harry Potter, but with hamsters.